Time Never Heals
by ephiny63
Summary: Part 5: Their road is a rocky one, the summer's heat doesn't help nor does a certain angel. The boys are trying to put things back together but are the cracks too deep to mend? Very slight spoiler alert for Season 4 This is it for this little adventure.
1. Chapter 1

**Time Never Heals**

**Author's note: **I just finished downloading and watching the third episode, for some reason I felt profoundly moved by the back story given to Mary and John. This is just something that came from the episode. Very minutely spoilerish so read at your own risk if you haven't seen the episode yet. I have added a little of my own filler material to flesh out the time between John and Mary's engagement, marriage and the arrival of Dean.

S/D

* * *

D/S

Time is fickle, it lets you run with it and then it runs away from you. In the blink of an eye, childhood is finished and adulthood is spiralling out of control.

He stands staring at her tombstone with tears rolling down his cheeks, ten years they had, ten bittersweet years, they survived her parents' death; they survived circumstances beyond their control: then they married.

Wise beyond her years and yet so innocent, wide-eyed and desperate for normalcy, for safety, for a family: he gave that to her.

Good natured he saw joy in a harsh world, an easy smile and warm embrace; he believed in love and family: he wanted happily ever after.

He held her hand when they buried her parents, he kissed her tenderly when they married, he held her tight when the nightmares became too much to bear: he loved her.

They cried together when they lost the first baby, they sat silently together when they lost the second baby, they rejoiced when the saw their first son: they wept with joy when they saw their second son.

He played with their sons, he loved her more with each passing day; she loved him with such an intensity that made him feel safe: they were a family.

He came home that night into his toddler's waiting arms, he came home that night to her passionate embrace; he came home that night to put his baby son to bed: he came home.

He felt the time sliding passed him as he stood and stared down at the grave stone, a monument to a lost life a taken life; a patch of ground that held nothing more: he only has his memories.

A pair of arms encircles his muscular leg, a tiny finger clutches his and slides it into a small mouth, suckling, familial, comfort: He wants to die but lives for his sons.

He wants to stay with her, though she is not there; he doesn't want to leave his love at the mercy of time: all he can hear is the soft whimpering of a baby.

He looks down and stares into the too-solemn eyes of a four year old, he looks down at the baby snuggled against his chest; he looks back at the tombstone: his heart fragments and splinters.

He watches his son succeed on another hunt, he watches his youngest happy at college far away from the hunt, he watched the time pass alone; silent and watchful: he hears her laughter.

He watched his eldest son comfort his youngest, he watched his baby boy stand at a graveside; he watched over his sons as nightmarish screams filled the evening breezes: he watches his son who is so like her.

He watched the demon smile, he felt the smile tug at his lips, he watched his sons grieve; he felt her at his side: he once again felt the heat of the flames.

Time, it moves without prompting, time, it pulses and beats through your life, time never stops, never starts it is continuous, insipid and vengeful, comforting and safe: He knew one thing about time, it never heals all wounds.


	2. Sol Invictus

**Sol Invictus  
**

**Disclaimer:** I have no claims worth mentioning to Supernatural, the show and characters so please don't sue!!

**Set after**: In the Beginning – spoilers ensue!!

I received a challenge for a one-shot expressing Dean's feelings now that he knows that is mom was behind everything that happened. His feelings on Mary being at fault for the demons affecting Sammy's life so badly. The challenge is from Sammygirl1963, hope you like it Sweety.

S—D

Familial bonds are the strongest of all. Blood calls blood, knows blood and it is unbreakable and yet how do you know the real parent, sibling, and child?

If you were given the chance to see your parent before they became a parent, a partner or a family member. Before when they were just themselves, would you like what you saw? What you heard? What you felt?

The bond between mother and son is eternal, special unshakable; often it can be heard he's his mother's son, or she's her father's daughter. Families so loyal, so strong and yet betraying and weak.

Dean watched his brother sleeping, even in his sleep Sam showed his emotions, his face contorted as he dreamt, from looks of fear and sadness to those of utter joy complete with full dimpled smiles.

Two days past, Dean got to see a glimpse of a past life, not theirs but inextricably intertwined in their lives. He scrubbed at his sleep-deprived eyes and tried to shut down his thoughts but he couldn't. He could see that moment so clearly, his father's lifeless body lying across her lap, as she kissed her demonically possessed father, in all aspects so wrong. Can he judge her? He made a deal to save his brother surely; it was the same thing wasn't it?

Sam whimpered softly, his face screwed up in pain only he could feel, caused by something or someone only he could see.

He saw the love his parents shared, a true love rare and needed if this world is to continue but at what cost? Were the lives of their future children worth the deal she made, so freely?

He stood stiffly stretching and ran a hand over his eyes before he moved to Sam's bed, he perched himself on the edge and gave his brother the comfort he craved, nightmares were one constant form of bonding between them, since their infancy.

As he watched his brother sleep, Dean remembered what he found out about their mother, she never wanted to be a hunter, and she wanted to be safe, to have a home and family. The knowledge sat heavily in his gut; he now knew why their dad had trouble dealing with Sam, as he got older, why he treated the boys differently. Sam is more like Mary than anyone ever realised. He might take after John in looks and colouring but he was Mary through and through.

Dean always knew that he was considered to be the chip off the old block, a mini-John, true physically he resembled Mary, but it was subtle, not so in your face like Sam and John. You had to look hard but it was there, the boys both had their father's sparkling green eyes, Dean had his mother's fairness and Sam had his father's darkness and dimples. A perfect balance of shared genetics.

A sharp pain shot through his temple, and he ground the heel of his palm into the side of his head. His grandfather Samuel, a seasoned hunter, gruff and protective; Dean saw himself in the older man, and it made him feel whole for the first time in his life. Then, then he heard his mother's discontent with their life and all he could hear was Sammy echoing her voice. The love John and Mary had was so like the love of Sam and Jess, why didn't Dean find love like that? Long dead memories surfaced and the pain spiked again, he was not going to go down that pity parade anymore, he was done with that. As long as he had the fight to continue, his life had no room for love. It ended so tragically for his parents and his brother, he knew that he would never survive losing the love of his life in the same way.

His fingers tightened imperceptibly around Sam's wrist as he waited for the viciousness to leave his brother's sleep and for him to settle. Damn Dean needed to sleep, he felt the burning behind the lids, the grittiness made him want to scratch his eyes to pieces but he refrained instead he took a deep breath, ran a hand over Sam's forehead ever so softly, tenderly and then he grabbed his car keys and jacket before bolting from the room. He had to get out, away from his thoughts. Ironic in a way, the thought made him choke a giggle, they were actually in Laurence Kansas, for all intents and purposes they were home.

Dean drove without thinking of his destination, he needed to be in the one place he felt at home, he felt safe, and he felt alive. The impala was the only true home he had; he had little memory of the house, more now since they had helped the new owner of the house. The house, their house. Not a home, a house.

Sammy, Sammy grew up believing the impala was home, he had no memory of their mom, of their home, of their life before hunting and yet it was Dean who was sent back to the beginning. Not Sam.

He braked and stared around in shock, he had pulled up outside the cemetery; a flash of a memory assailed his thoughts, with him arguing with Sam about going to visit the grave. He knew it was empty just a shallow hole with a headstone. Sam said it was mom's memory that was the important thing, not the grave.

Slowly he got out of the car and walked slowly into the graveyard, it was as though he was being pulled to the grave by an unseen force. The stabbing pain in his head forced a gasp from him but he stumbled forward no one and nothing was going to stop him this time. His actions were not his own, only his thoughts.

He dropped to his knees at the grave-side and fought to catch his breath; he didn't want to be there, he didn't want to see the grave. She betrayed them.

'Why mom?' The whisper burst out of his mouth like a punch, 'why did you do it?' But deep down he knew that answer: Love.

The love of his father when he gave his life for Dean, his own love for Sam when he made his own deal. 'Freaking deals!' He yelled hoarsely as the sobs came thick and fast.

Now he has to deal again, this time with Sam's life, 'no more,' he gasped, 'no more deals.' Deep down he knew that Sam was never going to turn evil, he may be tainted, he may be infected but he is no demon and if that was one thing Dean was sure of in his life it was that. He didn't have to make a deal with an angel or with God because if there was one thing that he was sure of that was it.

'I'm sorry mom, I tried to stop it from happening to you.' Dean wept his fingers clutching at the thick soft grass covering of the grave, 'but I promise you, I will make sure that I will stop it from happening to Sammy.'

END


	3. Confusion Rains, Lightening Crashing

**Confusion Raining, Lightening Crashing.**

**Author's note:** I decided to finish this little foray with Sam's story the trilogy is complete for now anyway! Hehehe, though I must admit I did shed a tear writing this one.

S/D

Sam watched Dean sleeping, since his brother's return from hell Dean slept as often as he could, almost as if he had half the energy of his life previous.

Stifling a sigh Sam punched his pillows again but couldn't get comfortable, finally he gave in and silently moved around the cramped motel room, gathering his coat and the keys to the impala, then on second thought he left the key ring on the bedside table next to Dean and left locking the door behind him.

In the coolness of the midnight light, Sam shivered and pulled his jacket around himself even tighter. With a small glimpse behind him Sam took a deep breath and walked away from the room, he had to breath again, it felt so long since he was able to breath; clearly, deeply, freely.

The fight he had with Dean, echoed in his mind and he forced their voices away, he didn't want to hear it again, even after he explained everything, he still doesn't think Dean can understand, hell Sam barely understood what was happening to him.

It felt so good, using his ability to vanquish the demons and save the innocents but now, now he even has God against him. God, now there was a paradox, he was the one who prayed, he was the one who had faith and yet God was against him and sending angels to help Dean. Maybe he had it all wrong perhaps he should have been more like Dean, reckless, promiscuous, fearless and conscious free.

No, no he was Sam and there was no changing that, Sam the freakish little brother and second son. A shiver ran down Sam's spine and he hugged himself a little tighter when the memories of his father came back unbidden. Daddy Dearest, Marine Daddy, Hunter Daddy, but not just Daddy. More than once the thought crossed his mind that the reason his father rejected him so much was because he knew all along what Sam was going to become. Now Dean looks at him with the same look as their dad, the look of mixed pity and loathing. 'If I didn't know you, I would hunt you.' The words became branded in Sam's mind. Hot tears fell as his strides lengthened and quickened until he was running, a slow jog morphed blindingly into a sprint as his feet pounded the pavement, with each stride more tears came as he ran from his brother, from his father and from his life.

Dean his brother who he loved more than life itself, the brother he grieved for, for four long months he grieved, he fought, he hunted he did everything that would make Dean proud of him, he destroyed evil but his brother now thinks that he's evil.

Stumbling Sam felt himself fall forwards his knees slamming heavily onto the asphalt, as the sobs tore their way out of his chest and throat, spewing thick and fast with large heavy tears.

'Not fair!' he yelled into the night, 'not fair Dean!' he cried softly, it was Dean who got to go back and meet their parents younger and in love, he was the one who got to meet their grandparents, their namesakes what did Sam get? All he got was to be set up by an angel.

A harsh laugh erupted from deep within him, 'a freaking angel! Where's my angel? Who do I get to guide and guard me?'

A silver fork of lightening lit the night sky but Sam ignored it, slowly he staggered to his feet and winced with the pull on his bruised knees.

With a heaving breath he turned and stared back down the road to where the motel sat somewhere in the distance. His brother still asleep, blissful and unaware.

'How do I do this?' Sam uttered startling himself with his own voice, 'how do I go on?' he started to run again; he could feel the ghosts of his own life chasing him, his own set of hell hounds at his feet. Before he knew it he was standing outside the cemetery, moving with stilted disjointed movements, Sam moved into the graveyard and made his way to one particular grave. He knew where it was without thinking, without remembering. Could Dean say that?

'Mom?' He whispered as he knelt at the graveside, 'I don't understand why, if Dean was truthful and he … why mom why did you make that deal?' Sam took a withering breath and felt his tears fall once again, he was tired, so tired of it all.

'I love Dean I do mom, but sometimes … he's so like dad it scares me.' Sam admitted it finally, out loud and to the ghostly memory of a woman, he never knew. 'All of my life I have lived with this shadow over me, it was something so bad, so evil that even as a baby I had it.' Sam took a breath; but kept going, he needed to purge, 'Dad set me aside mom, I don't think he meant to but hell he saw you die above my crib. You know, you know that yellow eyes showed me that night. How you knew him, and how he bled in my mouth. That's more fuel for Dean to throw in my face. Just like dad.' Sam scrubbed at his face and wearily wiped his tears away. 'I can't talk to him bout this, he gets mad enough when I want to talk, to have chick flick moments, I – I just feel so lost mom and I don't know what to do. Tell me mom, tell me what am I supposed to do coz I don't know anymore.'

Thunder rolled across the darkening sky as another bolt of lightening lit the sky; slowly Sam stood and stared at the headstone for a few more minutes before turning and with as much energy as he could muster Sam jogged back to the road, and back to the motel room. A light mist of rain fell and washed his tears away, with each foot fall he grew closer to Dean, with each foot fall he buried his doubts, confusion and anger a little deeper and constructed his own walls a little higher.

He loved his brother, he would die for him but sometimes that didn't mean he had to like him. Dean's refusal to accept Sam's gifts, curse, powers or whatever they were, was going to be a thorn in both of their sides, he knew he had to find a way to compromise his own values and ethics just to keep peace but he accepted that Dean was probably thinking the same thing. He hoped he was for both of their sakes because he needed to as much as Sam.

As he came to a stop at the door to their room, Sam paused; his hand hovered over the door handle when it hit him, he was scared to face his brother. He didn't want to see that look in Dean's eyes again, it fractured Sam's heart each time he saw it.

He straightened his shoulders; he swallowed the doubts and fears down, and controlled the roiling of his stomach. He had to put his game face on, something he learnt from Dean a long time ago.

With a deep breath, he opened the door and prayed that Dean was still asleep.

END


	4. Prosapia laurifer

**Prosapia Laurifer**

**Author's Note: Spoiler Alert for Season 4**

**Author's Note 2:** I think this is the final instalment of what was only going to a one-shot. I didn't want to leave Sam and Dean like that especially since their dad has gone and it is just them. This little series started with 'In the Beginning' and I think I want to finish it with what happened in 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester.'

**Disclaimer:** Not mine; never have been and sob never will be!

S—D

Sam finished packing and dropped his bag on the floor at the end of his bed; Dean still hadn't returned and as far as he knew, could have already left.

Left the freak behind, he was convinced that now Dean had seen him again it was no longer a thing to brush under the rug. It was real and it happened.

His thoughts drifted back to the night at his mother's graveside when he let out all of his frustrations in the middle of a storm. Dean hadn't even twitched a muscle when Sam returned, if he knew Sam had gone he never showed any sign, he never said a word, he moved through the paces without effort.

Now, here they were, the aftermath of Halloween – they saved a town, they saved thousands of innocents, killed a demon and pissed off two angels. That all paled into comparison to the look on Dean's face, Sam in so much pain, so confused and then he saw Dean's face.

S—D

Dean sat back and watched the children playing on the swings and in the sandpit, the laughter so innocent and joyous brought a smile to his face as he thought that he helped save this.

The pure childishness of the play, without any cares in the world, children who only hours before faced the last of their too short lives. Sam and Dean did that, they saved these children and their families from annihilation, his smile broadened and he allowed himself a small amount of self-congratulation. He and Sam, Sam his baby brother, the stranger who stood before him in the crypt. He promised he wouldn't use his powers to kill the demon, he promised.

'Sure you can be such a self-righteous bastard can't ya Dean.' He heard his own voice scolding him, since when was he so gung-ho about keeping his promises? He saw the knife lying on the floor stained with blood, he saw the demonically possessed teacher bearing down on Sam, he felt the power emanating from both and it held him frozen unable to help his brother.

The look of pain in Sam's face, the nosebleed all tore at Dean but he was rooted to the spot, he couldn't get to his brother no matter what. Sam's pain and anguish was his and he wanted so much to be in his place, to take the pain to save Sam.

S—D

Dean stood at the door to their motel room and hesitated, how can he tell Sam that he was sorry that he couldn't be there when he needed him?

Sam lay on his bed with his eyes closed but sleep was no where nearby, how could he tell Dean that he was sorry, that he had no choice?

Dean opened the door and blinked letting his eyes grow accustomed to the darker more subdued light, he saw Sam stretched out on his bed seemingly asleep. He slipped his jacket off and dropped his keys on the table; he debated silently whether he should wake Sam or not when he saw his brother move. It was only the tiniest of movements; within the blink of his eye, he could have missed it. 'Sam? You awake?'

'Huh? Yeah, you wanna get going?' Sam asked as he slowly sat up wincing as his headache spiked again.

'Nah thought we might stay tonight and head out first thing, could do with a good night's sleep.' Dean feigned a yawn and watched Sam carefully, noting the strained look around the normally bright green eyes; instead, his eyes looked dark and had tight pain lines around them. Yep they were staying put tonight.

'Kay.' Sam sighed and cradled his heavy, aching head in his hands as he sat on the edge of the bed his elbows resting on his knees. A moment later, he felt a cool wet cloth on the back of his neck and a gentle tap on his hand. Looking up he squinted a little until he focused on the glass of water and then on Dean's face.

'Take these.' His brother held out two small white pills in the palm of his other hand.

'Thanks.' Sam smiled wanly and took the tablets with a grateful nod.

'Sam, listen I …'

'No Dean please I have to …' Sam interrupted his brother after he finished gulping down the water.

'Sam just … look I know I asked ya not to use your powers.'

'Dean I'm so sorry.' Sam moved his gaze to rest it on the small burn mark on the carpet at his feet, 'if you wanna go I understand.'

'Sammy I just … hang on who said anything about leaving?'

'I – I just thought … I broke my promise.'

'Sammy did you go in there to use your powers no matter what?'

'What? No Dean.'

'Did you try to use the knife first?'

'Yeah, course I did…'

'Did you have any other way of defending yourself?'

'No, no I didn't Dean I swear it was the … it just happened, I couldn't let him live.'

'So where's the problem?' Dean asked forcing his heartbeat to slow down he went to the fridge and pulled two beers out, he had to catch his breath and calm down before he faced Sam again.

'I'm sorry Dean.' Sam whispered, 'I so wanted to keep my word.'

'I'm sorry Sam.' Dean turned around and looked at his baby brother, really looked at him for the first time since his return and his blood ran cold.

The boyishness, innocence and naiveté Sam displayed subconsciously all of the time was gone, they were all gone, replaced by a cold, hard edge that sent shivers down Dean's spine. He knew Sam's body now bore scars that Dean could never have prevented or helped heal, he knew his brother's psyche had been battered beyond repair and he saw all of this for the first time. The pain, the grief, the anger all reflected in Sam's new persona and it made Dean shudder, because he knew he helped in creating the new Sam.

'What Dean? What is it?' Sam asked wearily as he watched the different emotions play across his brother's face. 'How can you stand looking at me?'

'You're my brother, I have to it's in the big brother's handbook.'

'I'm a freak Dean.'

'We've been through this before Sam, cut yourself some slack.'

'Can you?'

'Can I what?'

'Cut me some slack?' Sam asked, his normally expressive eyes dull and dry, 'do you trust me Dean?'

'Course I do.'

'Uhhuh, what would you do if Castiel asked you to kill me?' Sam started, he hadn't realised that he had asked that question aloud, 'Dean man I …'

'No Sam I'll answer that.' Dean said his own face devoid of emotion as he thought about his answer, 'do you remember what I said after I told you about what dad asked me to kill you if I couldn't save you?'

'Yeah you said that you would save me first.'

'Well then you got your answer.'

'Dean…'

'No Sam no more arguing, no more discussing, no more what ifs … This is us brothers Winchester, we do what we do end of story.'

'Dean this is serious, I need to know that …'

'Drink your beer Sam and get some sleep you look like shit.'

'Yeah well you're no oil painting yourself jerk.' Sam chuckled softly, 'thanks man.'

'For what?'

'You know, just thanks.' Sam smiled softly and took a deep breath, the first breath he could remember taking in over four months.

Dean raised his bottle in salute to his brother, 'whatever … now go to bed.'

'Whatever? Great come-back Dean.'

'Yeah well, I'm tired so what ya expect bitch?' Dean grinned and took a deep breath, the first breath he could remember taking in over four months.

THE END!!!

title translation: Family Triumphant


	5. Brothers in Arms

**Brothers in Arms.**

**Author's Note:** Just a quickie, this is the last instalment in what was once just a one shot I think that this wraps it all up nicely. Oh yeah the previous instalment, I was asked by one reviewer what language is the title? It is Latin; roughly translated Prosapia Laurifer is Family Triumphant.

**Disclaimer:** The usual blah, blah I don't own em and sigh never will just like to play with them and then send em home. No monetary gain from this just doing it for the love of it.

S—D

Wind howled in its own particular way around the deserted buildings, at times barely a whisper and then without warning it growled and pushed its way through the debris and dust. Violently attacking everything in its path, dropping back to only a soft breeze and barely ruffles a bird's feather. The heat of the summer night not soothed by the winds, instead it enhances it, making it cloying and claustrophobic, with no palpable relief in sight just the wind swirling around masking the other sounds of the night.

A night deep in the summer where electricity flickered from too many air conditioners in use, for those who were lucky enough to have air conditioning. Fans groaned under the excess usage and ice melted faster than it froze deep in the chill of a freezer.

A night where few slept and more roamed the streets of cities and towns seeking cool comfort wherever they can. A lone car on a dark road dared to take on the stickiness and the discomfort, the driver preferred to travel at night, seeking solace from the burning sun of the daytime.

The sleek vehicle glided over the still hot asphalt, its motor growled like a beast wild and untamed showed no ill effect of the heat of the night. Strains of music trailed after the car in a symphony of defiance against mother nature herself.

All windows of the car were down in a vain attempt for the circulation of a cooler mobile air but nothing seemed to help and the occupants felt the effects. Sweat beaded on their faces and necks, trickled down their bare chests and arms pooling against the leather of their belts and their jeans. The only signs of consciousness of both were the odd movement in sleep of the passenger and the driver's occasional squirming on the seat and fingers beating in time to the music on the worn leather cover of the steering wheel.

A weary glance at his watch and the driver straightened his back and shifted in his seat again, they were going to stop, he had made his mind, he needed a shower, a comfortable bed and a cold beer and not necessarily in that order.

As he drove, his thoughts started to drift back to the reason why they were on the road yet again.

S—D

One week ago –

Two young men sat side-by-side on the park bench staring at the water but neither actually saw the water or anything else; both were lost in their own thoughts, self-recriminations and differing degrees of anger.

'Do you really believe that Dean?' The question broke the tense silence; spoken so softly that Dean had to strain to hear it. He glanced quickly at the profile of his younger brother and drew in a deep breath unsure of how to answer the question.

'Dean?' Sam Winchester whispered his brother's name as he stood up and turned away, his six feet five inch frame hunched down and looked smaller frailer, his hair brushed his collar and his too-long fringe hid his normally sparkling blue-green eyes. 'I guess you do.' He walked away, defeat radiating from him.

Dean lifted his head and turned to answer his brother's question when he saw him walk away, the softly spoken 'I guess you do.' Floated in the air for a second as the realisation hit him. 'Sam?'

'Where are you going Dean?' A deep smooth voice made Dean wince and look behind him.

'Cas, what are you doing here?' Dean snapped as he went back to watching Sam walk away. 'I don't have time for this.'

'Sam will be fine Dean.' Castiel said in his annoyingly calm monotone voice, 'there is something important I have to speak to you about.'

'Yeah well it can wait Castiel.' Dean muttered almost distractedly, 'I gotta go and make sure that Sam's alright.'

'You know that he is …'

'Don't Cas, don't say it.'

'Sam is living on borrowed time Dean you need to understand that if you are going to help him.'

'Can't you guys give him a break?' Dean stood up and turned his body to face the angel, 'he's doing the best he can with what he's got.'

'Is he Dean?' Castiel shook his head and almost looked remorseful, 'Sam is tainted.'

'And whose fault is that huh?' Dean sneered, 'who was with him when he needed help, when he needed guidance?'

'Dean he had to have the freedom of choice.'

'Oh yeah great job of giving him that now.' Dean shook his head, 'Sam, Sam had faith his entire life, me and dad we didn't give much to believing in anything that we can't see, but Sam, he had enough faith for all of us. He was six months old when that demon violated him, a six month old baby what kind of freedom of choice does a baby have?'

'Dean you have to listen to me…'

'No, no you listen to me, you and your lot have Sam tried and convicted without even trying to understand or to listen to him. As long as I can remember, he prayed every night as a kid and even as an adult, he believed in something looking out for him. He didn't ask for any of this, he never wanted to be anything but normal. Now, now you and Uriel and the others are all gunning for Sam to be taken down, to take him, what do you guys call it oh yeah smite him.'

'Dean he is tainted there is no denying that.'

'There is no denying the fact that you guys did nothing to stop that, not once in his entire life did you do anything to stop this from happening, to give him a chance at normal.'

'This is not a debate Dean.'

'No? What I can see is that he is nothing but a pawn in your sick game with hell.' Dean scrubbed his face with his left hand and started to pace, his anger making him agitated to the point of needing to move around that or to punch something or someone. 'Instead of convicting him why not help him?'

'We can't interfere Dean, you know that.'

'Can't huh? So what are ya doing now?'

'Dean you have to get him to listen to you, he has to stop using his powers or …'

'Or what you gonna sic Uriel on him like Lilith and her hell hounds on me?'

'That is not fair Dean.'

'Nothing in this crapped out thing is fair Castiel, Sam is the kindest most sensitive kid I have ever seen, I've been with him when the nightmares got too much for him, I was there when he broke down coz he couldn't save an innocent, I've been with him when he has drowned in grief and guilt over his girlfriend. So don't you dare stand there and tell me what to do where my brother is concerned.'

'Sam is treading a fine line, he is involved with a demon, he is using his powers given to him by a demon, he has to be stopped.'

'Why? All I can see is Sam using his powers to save innocent lives, you would prefer that he use the old methods? To maybe use a weapon to get rid of the demon but hey the innocent is nothing but collateral damage.'

'He became a wild card while you were in hell Dean, we can't afford to have him going over to the darkside.'

'Nice, very nice, why didn't you help him? Why leave it to a demon to teach him the right and wrong?' Dean stopped pacing and moved closer to the angel, 'Why didn't you or your boss step in and guide Sam in the right direction then? And don't you dare give me that bull about freedom of choice, coz as far as I can see you have taken that away from Sam already.'

'Dean?' Castiel held his hands up and tried to placate the young human but Dean shook his head in disgust and strode away in the general direction Sam had headed. As he calmed down Dean realised his own guilt with the way he had dealt with Sam since he had come back from hell. He didn't give Sam a chance to explain, he did exactly what the angels did and condemn him without listening.

Castiel smiled softly, lifted his eyes to the sky and nodded his head satisfied he disappeared with a rustle of wings. It was up to Dean now; he had set things in motion.

An hour later Dean finally found his errant brother; the bar was dark and stank of stale beer, smoke and something that resembled the stench of urine. After his eyes became accustomed to the low lighting Dean let his gaze roam over the patrons, two men played pool in one corner, a woman and man argued loudly in a booth, two men in suits sat at the bar and in the far corner his lanky little brother sat huddled on a stool nursing a beer.

Dean ambled over and after quickly assessing Sam for any signs of injury, anything he sat down and indicated to the barman for a beer for himself.

'Sammy whatcha doing?' He asked conversationally before he sipped his beer.

'Nuthin'.' Came the slurred response.

'Okay,' Dean took another sip and glanced over at Sam trying to get him to make eye contact, 'so what else?'

'Leave me lone Dean, don' need ya.' Sam waved his beer at Dean before taking a sip, 'yer made ya mind up so just leave.'

'Sammy I'm not gonna go anywhere.' Dean spoke slowly and kept his tone light, not too sure on how volatile his baby brother's drunken temper was going to be.

'Why Dean?' Sam sat up and tried to focus on his older sibling's face.

'You've lost me Sammy.'

'Why don' yer believe me?' Sam squinted and suddenly giggled, 'there's two of ya Deanie.'

'Funny, very funny Sammy.'

'Ha you made a rhyme,' Sam giggled louder and harder but then he started to hiccup and sob instead. 'I can't do this no more Dean … angels hate me, God hates, me, hell even you hate me.'

'I what?'

'S'okay Dean I hate me too.'

'Think it's time for us to go Sammy.' Dean stood up and went to stand next to Sam, 'come on sasquatch give me your arm.'

'Don' feel so good Dean.'

'Geeze Sam how much did you drink?'

'N-not much, just a couple-a-beers.' Sam blinked and shook his head, 'feel weird.'

'Dammit Sam did you leave your drink?'

'Had to take a leak.'

'Okay we're getting' outta here now.' Dean wrapped Sam's arm around his neck and eased his overly tall and completely uncoordinated brother to his feet, 'one foot in front of the other.'

Slowly but steadily they made their way towards the front door, their leaving seemingly made no impact on the other patrons at all, none of them even bothered to look up as Dean steered Sam back out into the heat of the late summer afternoon.

'L-love ya shortie.' Sam hiccupped and tried to pat Dean on the head.

'Yeah, yeah whatever you say stretch.' Dean grimaced and tightened his grip on Sam's belt as they started to head down the alley way towards where he had left the impala.

'Well, well lookie here, we got two of em this time.'

Yeah one each.'

Dean turned to stare at the two men brandishing guns, 'you're the dudes from the bar?'

'Yeah what about it?'

'Dudes in suits mugging people, seen it all now.' Dean shook his head and turned to keep walking away.

'Hey don't you go anywhere, we invested some time and effort in your friend there.'

That one statement made Dean see red, he propped Sam against the wall and then faced their two so-called attackers, 'and what exactly did you do to my brother?'

'Easy to sneak a little roofie into his drink and then buy him a few rounds.' The answer made Dean see white, his fist connected with the talker's face before anyone could register what had happened. The gun clattered loudly to the ground, the sound of the gunshot echoed loudly around them. Without pausing Dean turned to the second man and downed him easily with a swift roundhouse to his ribs and then an uppercut to his jaw. He drew in a deep breath and made himself calm down before he turned around and headed back to Sam who sat slumped against the wall his chin resting on his chest.

'Sam, come on dude we're outta here.' He said suddenly feeling better after venting some of his anger, 'Sam?' His post-fight euphoria waning when Sam didn't move. 'Sammy?'

He dropped to his knees and reached out to touch Sam's shoulder when he saw the blossoming red stain on his brother's jacket. 'Oh God Sammy.'

Carefully, he slid Sam's arm out of the jacket and pulled him forward slightly, 'okay it's gone through and through.' Dean started to do a commentary on the gunshot wound, even though Sam was still unconscious. 'Ya lucky Sammy it's gone straight through the flesh, gonna hurt like a bitch but it coulda been worse.'

'Dean?' Sam's voice sounded muffled against his neck, he felt the warmth of his breath, 'wha' 'appened?'

'You got yourself shot without even trying.' Dean gave a snorted laugh, 'come on Sammy let's get you fixed up.'

'Dean?'

'Yeah dude.'

'Gonna puke.' Sam gave Dean a weak shove and then started to violently retch and vomit onto the dirt and broken pavement.

'Damn it Sammy we gotta get going before the cops get here.' Dean supported Sam's injured shoulder while he vomited and kept a close eye on their so-called muggers who were still out cold not far away, in the distance he could hear the screech of the sirens. The heat, coppery scent of blood, and vomit made Dean feel dizzy and sick himself as he hauled Sam up and they staggered down the alley disappearing into the shadows.

As soon as Sam felt well enough to travel they left the dusty no-named town in the middle of no-where America, in the dead of night. The rumble of the impala echoed through the empty streets, with no destination in mind only the need to leave burning deep within both of the Winchester brothers they reverted back to what they loved the best and what made them feel the most comfortable. They hit the road.

S—D

Dean slowed down and turned into the nearest motel with all-night bookings, without waking Sam he slid out of the car, stretched and cracked his back and lurched tiredly towards the office door.

As he pulled up just outside their room, Dean turned and gently tapped Sam's arm, 'come on Sammy let's get some proper sleep.'

'De-Dean?' Sam blinked and rubbed at his eyes with his good hand, 'where?'

'Dunno, don't care, we got beds, air-conditioning and a shower.' Dean grinned, 'you go in and I'll get the bags.'

'I can help.' Sam muttered as he stood up and grabbed the car door as dizziness assailed him after sitting cramped up for so long, 'damn it.'

'Careful Sammy I got it.' Dean ushered his brother inside and then went back for their bags. An hour later, they both showered and felt human again, Sam sank down on his bed and propped his aching arm and shoulder up on the pillows and closed his eyes. Fine pain lines etched away from his eyes but he remained stoically silent.

'Here Sammy time for your meds.' Dean said as he tenderly nudged Sam and held out the two white pills and a glass of water. 'I'm gonna do a food and drink run you be alright?'

'Yeah fine, thanks Dean.' Sam muttered as he handed the now empty glass back to Dean. 'Just gonna rest here for a minute.'

'Sure Sam won't be long.' Dean picked up his keys and pulled a white T-shirt on leaving his favourite leather jacket draped over Sam. For some reason that only Sam knew he had taken to sleeping with Dean's jacket over his shoulders or clutched in his hands. At first Dean didn't understand and tried his hardest to stop him, but when he realised that while he had it near him, Sam didn't have his usual night terrors and actually slept through the night. It was a small thing and Dean was happy to oblige him. 'Hey Sammy.'

'Yeah?' Sam squinted up at his brother.

'Just so ya know I never did believe it.' Dean grinned. 'Never did and never will. We'll get through this Sam the only way we know.'

'Together?'

'Always.' Dean said as he went out the door and locked it behind him, 'always Sammy, just you and me against them all.' He added as he rested his forehead on the door for the briefest of seconds before he climbed in behind the wheel of his beloved car.

Inside the room, Sam sighed and clutched Dean's jacket tighter to his chest, 'always Dean just you and me against them all.'

END


End file.
